When we are kids we all learn that family is all you have. But in all honestly it really depends. Most families are dysfunctional, it’s not the picture perfect Prozac image portrayed on TV, they are far from perfect teams and tribes. It’s a spectrum like most other things. The idea that it’s all we have can be pretty confusing for this reason.
I did what what expected of me, being the brother of my siblings. My sisters were as close to untouchable as you can imagine. I was always the first to respond when they were in trouble. Always. No questions asked. I did the same for my parents as I could. I remember a time the police wouldn’t investigate someone scoping out our house, so I called in a favor. Why wouldn’t I?
The relationship with your parents can be dementing. When you start to question them, their intentions, if what they tell you to do is in your best interests it becomes confusing. An objective parent would engage in that debate, but a tired one will tell you “because I said so”; in result you are left with 2 choices: appease or exercise free thought.
It’s probably not much of a problem for most, they walk the line, because “they are supposed to”, but the more curious will refuse, they can’t. It’s not necessarily out of protest, but for self — for growth.
So you have to learn to be brave, if you choose that path. You need to grow up too fast. It’s not fair, but true. And the parents can choose to recognize and respect the learning process or be positional about it. The later makes things so much worse. And on top of that, society wants you to respect your parents, even if they show none for you. Most even expect it if they do pretty terrible things to you. The natural rights people have fought so hard for seemingly don’t apply to a parent-child-relationship.
In result a child might have to make a choice. Is the false reality they are being forced into harmful? If so, how do you protect yourself? It can be worse though, their (in)actions can put their children in arms length of physical harm. But if nothing comes of it, if it is only theoretical or mental, the expectation still remains: they are your parent, you owe them everything.
I have to disagree. The child didn’t ask for any of this; they didn’t ask to be born. Applying that logic alone, the parent owes everything and the child nothing. No one disagrees with you break it you buy it and it’s not too dissimilar.
While that dynamic is interesting, there is more within an immediate family: the siblings. My thought was always that we didn’t ask for this, so we are in it together, forever. It was most noble application of my interpretation of what society expects. I say was for a reason.
You are two (or more) people who share common parents and most likely have overlapping experiences. Unless you are twin, that’s about it. But again there are expectations. Take care of each other, forever. You can fight, but you must make up. Why?
As big of a fraud that Freud was, he recognized the theme of sex, but there’s more to extrapolate. Sex isn’t sex. Families aren’t families. These expectations are not what they seem. It’s about survival. Every animal has survival instincts, we know this, but what we don’t talk about is how they extended into our other behaviors. The pack must survive so another can be born. Survival in the macro is about the pack or species, not self.
So that is why. That is why families must stick together, why members can’t stray. It’s game of survival, which is won in numbers, nothing more. As dark as that may sound or how much you feel otherwise, it’s the truth.
With that comes the choice: to allow ourselves to become demented or to set ourselves free, which can also dement us. To fall in-line with expectations that exist for reasons most people aren’t even aware of or to deal with the criticism of that ignorance.