I recently started dating again, so I’ve been active on a few of the apps. I blame Tinder here, because they incubated this culture, but it shows on most platforms. I’ll start with some background.

Historically, the man-to-woman ratio on dating apps was poor, that hasn’t changed much. So women were bombarded with messages. It was difficult enough as a guy, but Tinder made it worse, with the swiping. Now women are only approachable, if they consent. I am not saying that’s a bad thing, I would want the same, if I were female. That’s not just due to the ratios, but it should go both ways, that’s not a bad thing. Where it all fell apart is due to the ratios women now have too much control, and they know it. It has lead to massive amounts of ghosting, one answer responses, and ads for OnlyFans and Instagrams. It’s largely fueled by the fuck boy culture bred to begin with. There’s a huge pool of desperate guys.

Without further ado, let’s get into the types of women you can expect to find on Tinder and other apps.

The Fit

There are a ton of fitness oriented women on Tinder. “Just looking for a workout buddy lollll. I like hiking, and running, and swimming, and yoga, and then I go to bed.” Sorry, no interest in someone who does nothing other than exercise. Not hating on being healthy, but it’s not healthy to have 1% body fat and do nothing else with your life. Typically, from a psychological standpoint, these people are quite literally running from their problems, not very stable people.

It does get more extreme, of course. There are always a handful of body builders. Good luck with that, no one wants to be picked up by their girlfriend, unless they are into that baby-fetish-thing.

The Unfit

Another super-popular category! Not hating, but not interested in unhealthy people. Not fat shaming, I have some chub, but it’s unhealthy, like the people that workout way too much. They seem to be the most honest and open people on the apps though. They actually put in effort!

The Swamp Thing

It’s mean, I know, but this isn’t meant to be super-serious. Ugly people need love, too. They also respond a lot and try. Can’t hate on it much, but it’s another category that isn’t for most people. They love hiding in group photos, so you spend time trying to figure out which person is the one with the profile. Pro tip: it’s not the semi-attractive one. When you see a group photo just move along.

The Insecure

These girls photoshop, excuse me… facetune the living shit out of their photos. Usually their face is as smooth as eggs, their eyes are blown up like anime girls, and their asses are bigger than your highschool. They go the other ways sometimes and cover their faces with a bunch of snapchat filter crap. Either way, they won’t ever look anything close to that in person. I don’t know what to say about these people, but I don’t see the point talking to cartoons.

The IG Thot

You’ll see these people a lot. They are the insecure, photoshopping their pictures into oblivion, but have got hooked on dopamine hits of their thirst farms. Usually they have no profile or a 1 liner and link to their IG. They will never match with you, or anyone else. Sometimes they even say “lolllll not on here much lmaoooo so message me on IG.” They don’t mean that, they will never respond there either. They just want followers.

This extends to OnlyFans workers. They aren’t as common, but pretty much the same people. Preying on desperate dudes to make a bug or feed their egos. Have fun with that.

The Bot

Some of these are pretty interesting! They seem to hold a conversation with you, but it always seems… off. Just try to throw them off and it becomes really obvious. They are usually trying to scam you in the long run. Stay safe out there!

The Void

“Hey, wow great profile, I also am into the same interests. How long have you been into sports ball?” “Hey Awhile” “Cool, me too. I’ve been watching sports ball my whole life, who is your favorite player?” “Dan”

It goes no where, ever. If you tell them they need to contribute they unmatch, instantly. How dare you suggest both parties in a potential partnership need to participate!

The Poor Communicator

This is a different flavor of the void. They can often hold a conversation, but will respond every 4 - 24 hours. Sometimes if you move into texts and off the platform it’s better, so it’s worth trying. But often times it’s not. It’s the same deal as the void: almost no effort. Good luck with that.

The Impatient

Sooo you’re talking for a day or two and they go: “LOOK are you going to ask me out or not?!”. Well… I was thinking about it, but now I’m not. Chill your eggs, bruh. Peace.

The Risk-Averse

This was a new one I’ve noticed the last year or so. You start talking, go back and forth a few times and it all seems normal, until it isn’t.

Ask them out on a date and they agree, you keep talking to build some sort of relationship up / discover common interests and talking points, and they go: I don’t want to talk to you until the date, otherwise we won’t have anything to talk about. Lol? And they usually hit you with I don’t want a pen pal, I’ve wasted time talking to guys and it has gone no where before. Wow poor you.

The Swingers and Men

The men are probably more common. They set their profiles to be women so they get more eyes on their account, maybe? Or they are trying to after closet-homosexuals? Either way, get out of my feed, thanks.

The swingers usually show some super close-ups of body parts and describe their situation. Nothing special or interesting.

The Normies

And after you’ve dodged 400 landmines, you’re sweating and tired. Your callused swiping finger graces the screen and there’s someone who isn’t damaged as fuck. You swipe to match and… nothing. They no longer use their account, but at least you found 1 of the 4 actual humans on Tinder! Success!